For the past year and a half, i was with a man, a man who i thought would be the one that would watch me walk down the aisle.
Life was great, we were moving forward together and lived together since January 2016. I found life a struggle sometimes, but he was there, holding my hand through all of it, making sure that I could get through life, and the worst part is that we were once madly in love.
My mental health started to really take a hold of me around November 17, my medication was making me feel worse than better (as it’s supposed to). Uni work became too stressful, and i started to doubt life altogether.
In my eyes the relationship was perfect, everything was going well. I just thought it was a norm and he would understand that too. I started to lose interest in everything, including him. I didn’t stop loving him, i just felt shit. He worked a lot, i basically never saw him so i just got used to him not being there. Even when he was there it felt like he wasn’t.
Last week, i told him about how i felt, my doubts, my depression. And he cried, he seemed to understand and he said that he didn’t want to lose me.
A few days later he came home from work, he then went on to tell me that he didn’t want this anymore, he didn’t want us. I could accept that, i could accept the fact that he didn’t want me, but i just didn’t understand how he could go from loving me, and not wanting to lose me to nothing…
I went back to my parents for a few days, to give him some space as he continued to say that he didn’t know what he wanted, he just needed space.
Sunday night, i waited up, waited for him to come online but he never did. We facetimed the next day only for him to say that his mind was made up, he didn’t want me.
When i came to collect my things the next day to move out, something felt wrong. I had my doubts, i never felt good enough for him. I proceeded to go onto his Ipad. I found messages, which included a picture of a necklace with the caption saying “you left your necklace here”. My heart dropped, i knew, i knew that he had someone in my bed, in my home with all of my stuff there.
I rang him, screaming, shouting, how dare he. How could he have moved on so fast. I then realised when he facetimed me, it was as soon as she left. He was laying in our bed, just after another woman had left it. I felt sick, hurt and lost.
Things couldn’t get worse surely? Then i found out that she lives in the same building that i was going to move into. My life just went from -0 to -100.
I’m trying to move on, trying to be strong, but how can i be when i love him. The man that took my home from me, the man that had another woman in our home when our stuff was there, the man that i thought i would marry.
How am i meant to continue…